A Mindful Holiday: Simple Practices to Help You Slow Down and Be More Present
Have you ever found yourself mindlessly scrolling while in a room full of family? Maybe some people we see only twice a year and yet somehow, the addictive nature of our devices has pulled us away from that moment to consume content that likely evokes negative emotions. In those moments, it’s challenging to be aware of what we are doing, but I’m sure in retrospect we recognize the remorse for the time spent. If we zoomed out in those moments and put more intention to our time around the holidays, I’m sure we would identify we want to be more present and connected with others. I love the quote by Thich Nhat Hanh: “If you love someone, the greatest gift you can give them is your presence”. I do not think there is anything of greater value in life than time. We could collect immense amounts of materialistic goods in a lifetime, but time seems to be the thing we all crave more of with others. Being present with someone and truly listening to them is telling them on a subconscious level that they are worth our time, our greatest asset. For those we care deeply for, as the quote goes, there is no greater gift.
Why does this matter?
The constant stimulation we receive from our phones causes us to become desensitized to things and disrupts our brain’s reward system, resulting in “dopamine fatigue”. The constant dopamine hits we are receiving from our phones put us in a constant state of craving for more pleasure. This is what creates the cycle of needing to check our phones and makes us anxious or irritable when we are not on them.
Dopamine Leads To Craving More and Anxiety
This disruption to our brain’s reward system can leave everything else feeling very “boring”. A simple moment that might have otherwise brought us great joy now feels boring and we are craving more stimulation. A moment of making a baby laugh, talking to a loved one, looking through old photos, or creating a new game with kids is now boring compared to checking our phone and receiving high dopamine hits.
Connection To Others Causes Us To Feel Content and Fulfilled: Dopamine versus Serotonin
The difference in these feelings is connection with others often leaves us feeling fulfilled and content in the moment, this is due to the serotonin released in our system. Serotonin is often known as the “feel good” neurotransmitter. Engaging in positive social activities releases serotonin in our systems. When dopamine is released (through the phone) it leaves us just craving more dopamine, versus being content with what we have. Therefore, connection with others and behaviors more associated with serotonin will allow us to be fully present, versus leaving us in a constant state of longing and craving.
How Can We Be More Present?
Setting Intentions:
Before we go into time with family, ask ourselves- What do we want to feel like after this? What do we want to remember from this event or Holiday season? If this is our last conversation with (insert person), what would we want that to be like? Reflecting beforehand adds additional perspective that can help us be more intentional with our actions while there.
Grounding Exercises or Meditation :
Grounding Exercises or Meditations are a way for us to anchor ourselves in the present. Grounding exercises use our senses to build our mind and body connection. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. This exercise reduces anxiety and allows you to return to the present.
Self-Binding :
Self-binding is the idea to physically put limitations or remove temptations to limit our own phone usage. In this context, it could look like leaving our phone in the other room, deleting certain apps we spend time on, leaving our phone on airplane mode or setting screen time limits.
What Does Being Fully Present Look Like:
Being genuinely curious about what someone is telling you and showing this through follow up questions
Initiating conversation with loved ones asking questions beyond surface level
topics
Giving someone your undivided attention and not multitasking or checking devices
Conclusion:
I think we can all relate to the idea of wishing we had been more present one time or another. The first step is to not be hard on ourselves, but instead look at it with a solutions focused approach to determine how we would want to show up instead. Reflecting before the event, setting intentions and practicing mindfulness can allow us to show up fully with our loved ones. This will leave us feeling more fulfilled and joyful this holiday season.
Written by Sydney Kurtz